Or "leave it," I should say... 1 more pound done away with! And considering that I'm feeling rather puffy today (possibly due to the impending visit from Good ol' Aunt Flo) I really ought to be content, even happy about it.
I know I'm doing well, I know I'm on the path back, but I'm also impatient. I really need to relearn patience in order to avoid having this diet (yes, I said it) control my life. *sigh...*
Happy Friday, all!
Friday, February 24, 2012
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Something I'm working on...
I'm getting there, but slooowly...
I'm on track with my training for The Ride (still working on getting my Bike Butt on) and I'm doing well with my intake, including the weekends (for the most part), and I'm starting to notice some benefits. My stamina is improving, my pants feel a bit looser and I've caught the occasional hint of cheekbones in my face. :)
My SHAME is still with me, but as I continue struggling along and staying on track, it seems to be backing off a bit.
A bit.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
.25
.25 lost this week.
Of course it would've been nice to see a bigger loss, but I was kind of expecting it to slow down sooner or later. Considering that this brings me to 9.75 pounds in 4.5 weeks, I'm still making good progress. Now I've just got to make sure I keep it going... And I'm still feeling the motivation, so yay me!
Of course it would've been nice to see a bigger loss, but I was kind of expecting it to slow down sooner or later. Considering that this brings me to 9.75 pounds in 4.5 weeks, I'm still making good progress. Now I've just got to make sure I keep it going... And I'm still feeling the motivation, so yay me!
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Bike Butt
Oh, yeah - there it is. There's the pain... It's a good thing I know it will get worse before it gets better! :P
Yesterday was Day One back on the bike (mounted on the trainer - so glad we have it!) 6.5 miles in 25 minutes. It didn't feel like a lot, but I've got to remember that starting slow and building up is going to give me the best results in the end. And it felt good to be back in the saddle!
I looked at a lot of Century training plans with 8, 10, 12 and 16 weeks worth of training before I settled on what I'm doing. Since I'm starting at 14 weeks, I took the first two weeks from this 16 week Beginner's Plan and tacked them at the beginning of this 12 week plan.
I had my belly dance classes tonight (and got nice and sweaty there...) so I had a day off of riding, but I'll be back at it tomorrow. I'm looking forward to to getting past the pain-in-the-bike-butt phase to where I can really enjoy riding again!
This is a bike rack in front of the Oregon Humane Society... I might have to take a field trip out there some time to see it in person... :D
Yesterday was Day One back on the bike (mounted on the trainer - so glad we have it!) 6.5 miles in 25 minutes. It didn't feel like a lot, but I've got to remember that starting slow and building up is going to give me the best results in the end. And it felt good to be back in the saddle!
I looked at a lot of Century training plans with 8, 10, 12 and 16 weeks worth of training before I settled on what I'm doing. Since I'm starting at 14 weeks, I took the first two weeks from this 16 week Beginner's Plan and tacked them at the beginning of this 12 week plan.
I had my belly dance classes tonight (and got nice and sweaty there...) so I had a day off of riding, but I'll be back at it tomorrow. I'm looking forward to to getting past the pain-in-the-bike-butt phase to where I can really enjoy riding again!
This is a bike rack in front of the Oregon Humane Society... I might have to take a field trip out there some time to see it in person... :D
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Did It All By Myself!
I changed out the back tire on my bike, mounted it on the trainer, made sure the gears work okay, got the cyclometer working and got the tires pumped up tonight! I'm ready to start my training tomorrow! :D
This is the first time I've ever switched out a tire by myself, let alone the back tire - I'm pretty proud of myself! In the past, Mr. S. has done it for me, and of course he's shown me how to do it, but the one time he tried to watch me do it by myself, he got impatient and just did it for me. Well, tonight he was off doing his own thing, and I figured I'd give it a try. Yay me!
So tomorrow I get to start growing my bike-butt back. *Sigh...* I'm not looking forward to that process, but it needs to be done!
This is the first time I've ever switched out a tire by myself, let alone the back tire - I'm pretty proud of myself! In the past, Mr. S. has done it for me, and of course he's shown me how to do it, but the one time he tried to watch me do it by myself, he got impatient and just did it for me. Well, tonight he was off doing his own thing, and I figured I'd give it a try. Yay me!
So tomorrow I get to start growing my bike-butt back. *Sigh...* I'm not looking forward to that process, but it needs to be done!
SHAME
Disgust, shock, despair, repulsion, horror, shame, hate, distress, disgust, loathing, misery, anger, sorrow, hate, disgust, hopelessness, hate, disgust, anger, disgust, disgust, disgust.
I was doing so well leading up to my Big 55-mile Bike Ride in May (2011). I trained faithfully and diligently, and when the day came, I did great! I had a great time, I didn’t have to stop and walk at all, and I was even able to ride up the Big Bad Hill that a LOT of people couldn’t do! I was very pleased with myself, and since I had done so well, I stepped off “the wagon” and thought I’d be just fine.
I’d only be away for “just a little while,” I thought. I wandered away, smelling the flowers and admiring the scenery - I’ll be just fine, I thought. Wandered a bit further away. I’d glance back every now and then – the wagon was still there, waiting for me. Went further in to the woods. “Oh, the wagon is still back there, I’ll be fine.” I thought. Got further along in to the woods – “I’m still fine,” I thought. I’d get on the scale, and I’d have gained. “But I’ll be okay, I’ll be able to take it right off,” I thought. So I’d give it a try, and make some progress, and then walk away from it again. "I’ll be fine!" I thought.
Well, just around the turn of the new year, I finally came to my senses and realized how far afield I’d strayed. I had gained back everything I’d lost the last time I was faithful to this Blog. And then some. A lot. In a panic, I’ve sprinted (okay, “lumbered”) back to where “the wagon” waited for me only to find that it was now a rusty, moldering, termite-ridden, worthless heap of trash with missing wheels. And it hit me. I wasn't "fine" any more.
I never wanted to be back here again. At the beginning of the year, I was at my heaviest EVER!!! I NEVER expected to see that number on the scale, and it shocked me. And disgusted me.
I wanted to run and hide in my shame. I stopped wanting to dance in public. The only reason I was still performing is because I didn’t want to answer the questions people would ask if I were to back out. I’m part of a troupe (of wonderfully supportive and accepting ladies) and I was ashamed to be dancing with them. I didn’t see how people could want to watch me dance because of my size, let alone cheer and applaud at my performance and even give me tips! Yes, I still get lost in the music and let it work through me, and while I was dancing, I was (and still am) happy, but before and after I dance, I was (and still am) ashamed of my body. I'm entered in a competition coming up in a month, and again, if it weren’t for the questions it would raise if I were to pull out, I wouldn’t go.
I have been told by some that I am an inspiration for dancing without letting my size inhibit me. (Which just tells me that my Major in Theater is actually proving useful...) But I am still ashamed of it. And myself.
I will be turning 40 in November, and there’s NO WAY I’m going to be at this same size by then. I don’t want to be disgusted with myself any more. I don’t want to be out of breath when I finish dancing any more. I want to be able to look at pictures of myself taken when I’m 40 with a smile rather than a sneer. I want to shed as much of this “fluff” as possible by then, and then KEEP it off!!!
I didn’t want to start this Blog again, for the shame of having to admit my failure to my blogville friends who haven’t heard from me in a long time. But I was talking with an IRL friend who has also been following this blog, and she has been encouraging me to pick it back up again. So here I am.
Now, don't worry! Really, I am feeling better about myself right now than it sounds, from what I've written so far. I’ve finally started eating healthier and losing again (9.5 lbs gone since Jan 16th!!) and I have a Plan to keep going.
I’ve signed up for the same May bike ride I did last year, and I’ll start training for it this weekend. I am planning on riding the whole 100 miles this year. Which, if I train for it as successfully as I did last year, will be a (relative) breeze. I’m also considering signing up for a 2-day, 200-mile ride in July. So I’ll definitely be getting my exercise in… And then I’ll need to find another way to be sure to keep the exercise going.
I still have the above-mentioned feelings towards myself, but they’re easing off a (little) bit. Even though I am finally on the right track again, they’re still lurking. And I’ve got to stay vigilant in order to keep them from overwhelming me again. I can do it. I do have some hope, and I just keep reminding myself that it’s going to get harder. It just is. That way I don’t fool myself in to thinking that “I’ll be fine” again and start slacking off.
I was doing so well leading up to my Big 55-mile Bike Ride in May (2011). I trained faithfully and diligently, and when the day came, I did great! I had a great time, I didn’t have to stop and walk at all, and I was even able to ride up the Big Bad Hill that a LOT of people couldn’t do! I was very pleased with myself, and since I had done so well, I stepped off “the wagon” and thought I’d be just fine.
I’d only be away for “just a little while,” I thought. I wandered away, smelling the flowers and admiring the scenery - I’ll be just fine, I thought. Wandered a bit further away. I’d glance back every now and then – the wagon was still there, waiting for me. Went further in to the woods. “Oh, the wagon is still back there, I’ll be fine.” I thought. Got further along in to the woods – “I’m still fine,” I thought. I’d get on the scale, and I’d have gained. “But I’ll be okay, I’ll be able to take it right off,” I thought. So I’d give it a try, and make some progress, and then walk away from it again. "I’ll be fine!" I thought.
Well, just around the turn of the new year, I finally came to my senses and realized how far afield I’d strayed. I had gained back everything I’d lost the last time I was faithful to this Blog. And then some. A lot. In a panic, I’ve sprinted (okay, “lumbered”) back to where “the wagon” waited for me only to find that it was now a rusty, moldering, termite-ridden, worthless heap of trash with missing wheels. And it hit me. I wasn't "fine" any more.
I never wanted to be back here again. At the beginning of the year, I was at my heaviest EVER!!! I NEVER expected to see that number on the scale, and it shocked me. And disgusted me.
I wanted to run and hide in my shame. I stopped wanting to dance in public. The only reason I was still performing is because I didn’t want to answer the questions people would ask if I were to back out. I’m part of a troupe (of wonderfully supportive and accepting ladies) and I was ashamed to be dancing with them. I didn’t see how people could want to watch me dance because of my size, let alone cheer and applaud at my performance and even give me tips! Yes, I still get lost in the music and let it work through me, and while I was dancing, I was (and still am) happy, but before and after I dance, I was (and still am) ashamed of my body. I'm entered in a competition coming up in a month, and again, if it weren’t for the questions it would raise if I were to pull out, I wouldn’t go.
I have been told by some that I am an inspiration for dancing without letting my size inhibit me. (Which just tells me that my Major in Theater is actually proving useful...) But I am still ashamed of it. And myself.
I will be turning 40 in November, and there’s NO WAY I’m going to be at this same size by then. I don’t want to be disgusted with myself any more. I don’t want to be out of breath when I finish dancing any more. I want to be able to look at pictures of myself taken when I’m 40 with a smile rather than a sneer. I want to shed as much of this “fluff” as possible by then, and then KEEP it off!!!
I didn’t want to start this Blog again, for the shame of having to admit my failure to my blogville friends who haven’t heard from me in a long time. But I was talking with an IRL friend who has also been following this blog, and she has been encouraging me to pick it back up again. So here I am.
Now, don't worry! Really, I am feeling better about myself right now than it sounds, from what I've written so far. I’ve finally started eating healthier and losing again (9.5 lbs gone since Jan 16th!!) and I have a Plan to keep going.
I’ve signed up for the same May bike ride I did last year, and I’ll start training for it this weekend. I am planning on riding the whole 100 miles this year. Which, if I train for it as successfully as I did last year, will be a (relative) breeze. I’m also considering signing up for a 2-day, 200-mile ride in July. So I’ll definitely be getting my exercise in… And then I’ll need to find another way to be sure to keep the exercise going.
I still have the above-mentioned feelings towards myself, but they’re easing off a (little) bit. Even though I am finally on the right track again, they’re still lurking. And I’ve got to stay vigilant in order to keep them from overwhelming me again. I can do it. I do have some hope, and I just keep reminding myself that it’s going to get harder. It just is. That way I don’t fool myself in to thinking that “I’ll be fine” again and start slacking off.
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