I'm Back!

Hi, all!  I'm sorry I've been absent for a few days.  I had  some depression going on.  I was blue - just down in general and tired all week (there might have been some monthly hormones involved) and I wound up in What-The-Hellville in terms of my eating and exercising before I knew it.  And we had (and are having) really cold weather this week - not typical for this neck of the woods - and all I wanted to do was curl up in a blanket on the couch and stay warm.  Salty snacks are my downfall at these times.  And after (or with) a couple of glasses of wine?  Yeah, the control went out the window for a while.

I think what also nudged me over the edge was how I felt in dance class on Tuesday.  I decided to wear a hip belt that I haven't worn in a while.  It went around my hips just fine, but I just couldn't settle on a way to wear it in a way that didn't make me feel huge.  And since I am one of the assistants on Tuesdays, I couldn't exactly hide in the back of the room...  And it didn't help that the Teacher kept staring at my hips - totally made me feel even more fat. and even more self-conscious about it. Yes, people are supposed to look at my hips when I'm belly dancing, especially when I'm in front of a class as a teacher, but it just felt like she was looking at my rolls of fat instead of what my hips were doing at the time.  (To be fair, she was talking with/listening to another assistant at the time, and might have just been zoning out and my hips were an easy resting spot for her eyes, but that didn't change how I felt at the time...)    

And then on Wednesday, the Hubster mentioned something that hit me.  He said that one of his closest friends (a man I respect a great deal) had told him that he could tell I'd lost a lot of weight!  It was the right comment at the right time to kick me in the ass and realize that I don't want to stay in What-The-Hellville.  I don't want to have people notice my progress and then see me backslide.  Again.  Just another fat person with no willpower or self control.  I don't want to do that again and be disgusted with myself - AGAIN!!!  I really don't like being that person!!!  And I won't be that person!  Not again. 

So I got back on track on Thursday.  And then I got on the scale yesterday morning, bracing myself for impact -  and somehow I hadn't done as much damage as I should have!  I was up, yes, but only by half a pound.  I must not have gone as out of control as it felt like I had - but I'm so glad I got the jolt I needed before it went any further. 

So - on to the weekend.  We're Gaming tonight, and I've got my gum in my purse and some strength in my spine.  I'm going to hold on to my newly rediscovered will and just focus on have fun interacting with my friends, rather than indulging in the snacks. 

Have a good weekend, all -- stay strong!