One of the things that trips me up during holiday meals is the thought of people watching me eat. I have this idea that people are judging what I have on my plate, as well as judging me for eating it. Especially my family. I don't like letting them know that I'm trying to lose weight because they spent so much time focusing on it while I was growing up. And at the same time, I don't want them to disapprove of what I'm eating.
Growing up, I don't remember a time in my life that my parents, especially my mom, weren't Concerned About or Doing Something About my weight. There was a time when my Mom told me that if I lost X amount of weight, I could go on a special trip to Florida with my best friend. (I can't remember if I lost the target weight -- I kind of remember not making it -- but I think I went on the trip anyway)
My mom signed me up for Weight Watcher's when I was 12. Looking back, I don't think I was THAT overweight... I remember sitting in the lobby once waiting the meeting to start and watching a morbidly obese man walk in. She leaned over to me and said something to the effect of "Please tell me you won't ever let yourself get that big."
And I remember my 13th birthday party with family and family friends. It involved a "cake" that was some kind of Weight Watcher's dessert my Mom baked and served as the Birthday Cake. I asked for a second piece (it was my 13th birthday after all!) and was told No. And I got upset about it and started crying. With everyone watching. Not my favorite memory.
Don't get me wrong -There was a time that I blamed my mom for it, but I know (now) that she was just trying to do the right thing for me. But I will always have an issue with my weight and body image. I can't help but wonder sometimes how things might have been different if they hadn't focused so much on that number on the scale while I was growing up.
Hopefully this will get better as I get closer to my goal weight... I hope.
What an interesting story. This is such a common theme with WL bloggers...things their family have said to them. I didn't really start to get fat until I was in high school, but thankfully my parents never really did anything like this...the only comment that was ever made to me was before I was fat, but I vividly remember it. My mom told me that if I ate too much I wouldn't like the way I looked in a bathing suit.
ReplyDeleteBoy was she right! I don't!